Only Available for a Limited Time!

Being the periodical pundit that I am (observe current webpage), I think the time is ripe-in my boredom-to discuss a certain matter of great importance. Many of us read magazines; some of us read them for the articles and others read them for, shall we say, photographical value. We consume the written word at bus stops, subway stations, and the toilet. Our consumption is ethic is just as diverse as the number of glossy paged junk that comes our way. However, the matter I'm going to discuss lies not in the pages, rather, in between them. That's right ladies, gents, and germs, I am referring to the infamous (and infinitely annoying) subscription card.

Now, I understand the need for the card itself. If I read a magazine, and it piques my interest, certainly I may express intent in applying for a subscription. It would be fantastic, though, if someone could explain to me the need for FIVE DAMN CARDS IN THE SAME MAGAZINE! Listen, if I like the stupid magazine enough, I can look for the bloody card myself. If there isn't one in there, I can sure as hell wait. And if I don't want to wait because there was actually some substance in what I had just read (which is unlikely) I'll *GASP* go to the official magazine website where I am sure to find a link, or a clever picture, pertaining to my subscription needs. If not, then the magazine is obviously shoddy and in no way deserving of my readership.

The first thing I tend to do when I pick up a magazine is to shake it out and drop those suckers to the ground. Alas, some genius discovered that this was not too uncommon, and promptly attached the subscription cards (with a perforated edge) to the magazine spine itself. A way around this I haven't yet figured out, but the game is so on publisher man!

If you left only one subscription card in every magazine, and stacked up all the extras, I'm sure you could reach Saturn(or at least the nearest dealer)! Do you realize how many trees those extra, and utterly unnecessary, subscription cards could save? We're talking about the Amazon here (not the lesbian lady people, the forest). Moreover, think about the productivity lost muddling through cards all advertising the same thing: the limited time offer that somehow ends up lasting the entire year.

You know what won't last the whole year? My patience buddy. It's done. I'm no longer buying magazines. Well, unless there's a cool picture on the cover.

Tell your friends.