a PSA maybe?

okay, listen, we have to talk. its not that i mind walking the crowded streets of london, or more specifically, today's little expedition to Harrod's...well, no. I do mind. i mind a lot. walking is great, dont get me wrong, i enjoy walking as much as the next guy. and usually, the next guy happens to be walking with me (more likely slower because i like to take a faster approach to my gait so i can really look like im a go-getter, you know, really make myself feel like im going somewhere). i figure an apple, eight glasses of water, and a nice walk every day should do well to keep me vibrant well into my 90s. all of you carb and calorie counters, i invite you to come watch me flourish under the red-meat diet. i promise it'll be a sight to see. but i digress.

WATCH WHERE YOU ARE GOING! what the hell is wrong with you? looking down at the ground while youre walking isnt going to do you any good. while youre driving your car do you look down at the floor mats? no! you dont! i promise you theres nothing on the sidewalk you really want to see. to your left is probably a homeless man. to the right is probably where he goes to relieve himself. a little farther down will be vomit. and in between the countless bird droppings im sure you could find the left-overs of a Big Mac (you better jump on that before the homeless guy gets a whiff). and obviously theres the ubiquitous cigarette butt, most recently from you, ending your little reverie about how much of a failure your life turned out to be.

and who the hell walks backwards? if you were meant to walk backwards, you would have eyes on both sides of your head. do you? yea thats what i thought. so stop that.

i think a new law should be introduced. anyone who is not actively watching where they are going and, at the same time, plotting a path of least resistance with his/her peers, they will be hit on the head with a blunt object by a law enforcement officer. if there is no officer around, citizens should be given vigilante status and be allowed to take matters into their own hands. this may seem to be a bit too draconian for you, but it will all work out in the long run. imagine youre going to work and today's the big day. no, youre not giving a big presentation. no, youre not getting a promotion. youre not even getting a severance package. today, my friend, youre going to put the moves on your secretary. now you want to keep your shirt clean to be extra presentable. knowing that knocking into someone because you werent paying attention to where you were headed could result in a bludgeoning, youre sure as hell going to avoid everyone. and if this process is repeated among everyone, there will be smooth flows of pedestrian traffic. now youre coming into work on time and looking sharp. youve been 10 minutes more productive and its showing! you just got invited to the company retreat at Six Flags. you should celebrate.

look at what my idea did to that one guy. imagine what it could do for you. buy in. just stay out of my way.