Square One

Okay, go ahead and be jealous for a second. Yes that is my view. Are you done being jealous? No? Okay, you can have a few more seconds. If you look closely you can see the Houses of Parliament. Enough of the silliness, down to serious business. I'm going to tell you about something i hate, and no doubt you're going to agree with me. Prepare yourself, it's coming. Here it is: the cold toilet seat. I'm not sure if the word toilet belongs next to this picture, but everyone knows that a cold toilet seat is just as good as the devil. Here you are trying to do your business with a little dignity, but lo and behold!, the powers that be have decided that you are not worthy of going through life without planting your bottom on an icy toilet seat. sure that sucker will warm up if youre on it long enough. ill admit it, ive spent a fair amount of time in the bathroom...enough to get cozy, snuggle up, get comfortable. but in our fast paced world, who has that kind of time? not you! nor i! so if im in need of a quickie, i have no other choice but to search out a toilet. anywhere else, disposal becomes an issue. not only that, disposal plus clean up. the toilet is genius...it does both for you. the toilet doesnt get enough praise, i dont think. but that's not what im talking about here. the toilet is great, fine, happy-good-times. the seat. thats where the problem is at. i could go on the carpet or the sink, but i dont want SARS, sickle-cell anemia, or the avian flu so the toilet is what ive got. we could pad the seat couldnt we? with some shag carpetting or something. satin? silk? personalized toilet seats. the market is there people. im calling out the venture capitalists, lets do business. call me. but thatd be hard keeping those covers clean of other peoples' doo-doo. everyone knows that people sometimes...miss...and thats not a pretty sight. but im sure someone could work around that. not me of course. i have too much mental capacity for that. ill leave it to the little people.

Alright go ahead and be jealous again. Are you jealous? Well you shouldn't be. My days are spent seeing like this. These are the things available to me. Pity me. Please.