Well I Had To Do It...

How many have you seen? If it's over 70, you're a cinema WHORE.
Copy and repaste if you want.

(1) Pirates of the Caribbean
(2) Boondock Saints
(3) The Mexican
(4) Fight Club
(5) Starsky and Hutch
(6) Neverending Story
(7) Blazing Saddles
(8) Airplane
() The Princess Bride
() Young Frankenstien
(9) AnchorMan
(10) Napoleon Dynamite
() Saw
() White Noise
() White Oleander
(11) Anger Management
() 50 First Dates
() Jason X
(12) Scream
(13) Scream 2
(14) Scream 3
(15) Scary Movie
(16) Scary Movie 2
() Scary Movie 3
(17) American Pie
(18) American Pie 2
(19) American Wedding
(20) Harry Potter
() Harry Potter 2
() Harry Potter 3
(21) Resident Evil I
() Resident Evil 2
(22) The Wedding Singer
() The Wedding Planner
() Little Black Book
() The Village
(23) Donnie Darko
() Lilo & Stitch
(24) Finding Nemo
() Finding Neverland
() 13 Ghosts
(25) Signs
(26) The Grinch
(27) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
() Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2
() White Chicks
() Butterfly Effect
() Thirteen going on 30
() I Robot
(28) Dodgeball
() Universal Soldier
() A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(29) Along Came A Spider
(30) Deep Impact
(31) KingPin
(32) Never Been Kissed
(33) Meet The Parents
() Meet the Fockers....
() Eight Crazy Nights
() A Cinderella Story
(34) The Terminal
() The Lizzie McGuire Movie
() Passport to Paris
(35) Dumb & Dumber
() Dumb & Dumberer
(36) Final Destination
() Final Destination 2
() Halloween
(37) The Ring
() The Ring 2
() Harold & Kumar (white castle)
() Practical Magic
(38) Chicago
() Ghost Ship
(39) From Hell
() Hellboy
(40) Secret Window
() I Am Sam
(41) The Whole Nine Yards
() The Whole Ten Yards
() The Day After Tomorrow
() Child's Play
() Bride of Chucky
(42) Ten Things I Hate About You
() Just Married
() Gothika
() Nightmare on Elm Street
(43)Sixteen Candles
(44) Bad Boys
(45) Bad Boys 2
() Joy Ride
(46) Seven (SE7EN)
(47) Oceans Eleven
(48) Oceans Twelve
(49) Identity
() Lone Star State of Mind
(50) Bedazzled
(51) Predator I
(52) Predator II
(53) Independence Day
() Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
() Darkness Falls
() Christine
(54) ET
() Children of the Corn
() My Boss' Daughter
() Maid in Manhattan
() Frailty
() Best Bet
() How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(55) She's All That
() Calendar Girls
(56) Sideways
(57) Mars Attacks
(58) Event Horizon
() Ever After
(59) Forrest Gump
(60) Big Trouble in Little China
(61) X-men 1
(62) X-men 2
() Jeepers Creepers....
() Jeepers Creepers 2
(63) Catch Me If You Can
(64) The Others
() Freaky Friday
() Reign of Fire
(65) Cruel Intentions
() Cruel Intentions 2
() The Hot Chick
(66) Swimfan
() Miracle
(67) Old School
() Ray
() The Notebook
(68) K-Pax
(69) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(70) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(71) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
() A Walk to Remember
() Boogeyman
() Hitch
() Back Door Sluts 9(just kidding)
(72) The Fifth Element
(73) Star Wars episode I The Phantom Menace
(74) Star Wars episode II Attack of The Clones
(75) Star Wars episode III Revenge of The Sith
(76) Star Wars episode IV A New Hope
(77) Star Wars episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(78) Star Wars episode VI Return of The Jedi...
() Troop Beverly Hills
() Swimming with Sharks
(79) Air Force One 'Get off my plane!"
(80) For Richer or Poorer
() Trainspotting
() People under the stairs
() Blue Velvet
() Sound of music
(81) Parent Trap (old or new)
() The Burbs
(82) The Terminator
(83) Empire Records
() SLC Punk
(84) Meet Joe Black
() Wild girls
(85) A Clockwork Orange
() The Order
(86) Spiderman
(87) Spiderman 2
() Amelie
() Mean Girls
(88) Shrek
(89) Shrek 2
(90) The Incredibles
() Collateral
(91) The Fast & The Furious
(92) 2 Fast 2 Furious
() Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow
() Closer
(93) Titanic
() Saved
(94) Bowling For Columbine
() Farenheit 9/11
(95) The Sixth Sense
(96) Artificial Intelligence (AI)
(97) Love actually
() Shutter
() Ella Enchanted
(98) Princess diaries 1
() Princess diaries 2
() Constantine
() Million Dollar Baby
() Envy
() Eurotrip
() Malibu's Most wanted
(99) Big Daddy
(100) Black Sheep
() The Breakfast Club
() West Side Story
(101) A Christmas Story
() Spanglish
(102) Pulp Fiction
() Sleepover
() The Evil Dead
() Killer Klowns From Outer Space
() The Seed of Chucky
() Vanilla Sky
(103) Nightmare Before Christmas
() Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
(104) Interview With The Vampire
(105) The Crow
() Purple Rain
(106) Reservoir Dogs
(107) Wayne's World
(108) Wayne's World 2
() 21 Grams
() Blow
(109) Edward Scissorhands
(110) Clerks
() Beauty And The Beast
() Guess Who
() Monster In-law
() ELF
(111) Stuart Little
() Stuart Little 2
() Mall Rats
(112) Chasing Amy
() Chasing Liberty
(113) Dogma
(114) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
(115) Beetlejuice
() Last Samurai
() The Amityville Horror
() The Aviator
(116) Romeo and Juliet
() Beauty Shop
() Legally Blonde
() Legally Blonde 2
() The Forgotten
() Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen
() The Grudge
() Wimbledon
(117) Bring It On
() Bring It On Again
() Flight of the Phoenix
() Johnsons Family Vaction
(118) Vegas Vacation
() Thirteen
(119) 2001: A Space Oddessy
() Dr. Strangelove How I Came to Love the Bomb
(120) indiana jones and the temple of doom
(121) indiana jones and the raiders of the lost ark
(122) indiana jones and the last crusade
(123) animal house
(124) happy gilmore
(125) once upon at time in mexico

and personally...i would add

(126) Billy Madison
(127) Waterboy
(128) Gangs of New York
(129, 130) Rush Hour 1 &2
(131) Caddyshack

and much the same

The Madness of Abbe Faria

okay seriously, im doing this for my own sake so i can at least try to keep everything clear in my head. The are:

Baron Danglars (banker) and Baroness Danglars (gambler), and their daughter Mademoisselle Eugenie Danglars who is to be married to Albert de Morcerf.

Monsieur de Villefort (crown prosecutor) and Madame de Villefort, and their son Edouard de Villefort, and Monsieur de Villefort's daughter by an earlier marriage, Mademoisselle Valentine de Noirtier (who is slated to marry Monsieur Franz de Quesnel, Baron d'Epinay). Also, Monsieur de Villefort's invalid father (who used to be a Bonapartist), Monsieur Noirtier.

Count de Morcerf (former military man turned statesman) and Countess de Morcerf, and their son Albert de Morcerf who, like ive said, is to marry Mademoisselle Eugenie Danglars.

Monsieur and Madame Morrel, their daughter Julie Morrel, and their son Maximillien Morrel (who happens to be hopelessly in love with Mademoisselle Valentine)

And of course our famous Count of Monte Cristo who is also Abbe Busoni, Lord Wilmore, Sinbad the Sailor, and (most importantly) Edmond Dantes. And with him we'll note his good friend and tutor, Abbe Faria.

As a supporting cast we have:

The Marquis de Saint Meran and his wife; Monsieur Lucien Debray (lover of Madame Danglars); Monsieur Franz d'Epinay (connosieur of Europe and wealthy young man); Countess G-- (dont ask me why she's referred to like that); Haydee (Monte Cristo's Greek 'lady friend'); Bertuccio (Monte Cristo's dedicated servant); Ali (Monte Cristo's mute slave); Caderousse, his wife La Caraconte; Joannes (the jeweler who visits the greedy couple); Emmanuel (Julie Morrel's honest husband); Cocles (the Morrels' steadfast accountant); Penelon (former sailor of the Phaeron); Luigi Vampa (the bandit), and his wife/lifelong friend Teresa; Benedetto (a long lost son to two families); and two Cavalcantis who are not really Cavalcantis.

And there are people whose names i dont remember: Monsieur Noirtier's servant, Bertuccio's wife, the telegraphist, the actors mentioned at the opera, the man who runs the hotel in Rome, the two men who were supposed to be put to death, and who knows who else.

The story that weaves all of these people together among tales of religion, ideology, toxicology, betrayal, secrecy, drug use, and (most importantly) love, is quite a read. And im only 750 pages in. oh and remember, i did this for my own benefit.

Oh The Humanity...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I come before you as a man changed. I find myself as weary as a Greek soldier battered on the open waves after 10 years of war. I find myself as weary as a man who has just traveled through Hell, only to find there is yet more to climb. I have fought a war. And I have won. But at what cost? Mentally, and physically, I am not who I used to be. My adversary is not a fellow man, or even one of his lofy ideas such as religion. The one I challenged was far simpler, and far more dangerous:


The Housefly.


Laugh, you might, but I have gone toe to toe (in a sense) with a creature who nurtures Hell within its eyes. But now, I tell you the story, in full:

Upon entering my bathroom (I seem to be beginning a bathroom theme to my posts) I did not yet notice the danger that lurked in the most private of my rooms. But soon, he made his presence known. Once registering the noise, I understood what I was facing. The harbringer of disease. The portent of Doom. In an instant I knew what must be done: he must be ended. And so the arduous task began. My thrusts, he parried. My slashes, he avoided. My gaze, he escaped. Everytime he came to a rest, I would approach him, with such caution as to not raise any suspicion within his minute brain. Alas, Fate always interceded. Was I condemned, like Sisyphus, never to succeed? Yet, with each failed attempt I gained a greater resolve. Fully aware that my brain is exponentially larger than his entire body, I had to succeed. If not for the sake of humanity, for mine. With the patience of a monk, I waited for him to cease his endless flight. I waited. I watched. And finally he stopped. I made my move. I crept, gently towards the wall. I prepared my weapon. I bent down to get a better angle. I calculated. I decided. I thurst my napkin forward. As synapses raced the message to my muscles, our eyes met. His of acceptance. Mine of rage. In no more than a second, he was dead. And I had saved myself, my family, and maybe an entire generation from falling victim to this messenger of Hades. In my proof that I have done something good for society, I present this excerpt from a well respected website:

Mind you, this is after a man claimed he killed 52 houseflies one summer. Read...

"The female Musca domestica, or common housefly, typically lays 600-1,000 eggs in the course of her roughly two-month lifetime, most of which grow to maturity in 10-12 days, whereupon they can set about raising little maggots of their own. Under ideal conditions (which invariably prevail in this column), you may get as many as 12 generations a year.

Let's suppose that 132 generations would have been born, or laid, or whatever the appropriate term might be, had you not committed the aforementioned massacre 11 years ago. Let's further suppose that half of the 52 flies were female, that half of all subsequent generations were female, and finally that each female deposited 1,000 eggs.

The total number of female descendants is 26 x 500¹³², and the total fly population, of course, is twice that many. Having performed various subtle mathematical manipulations on my handy calculator, I may categorically state that your house would presently be infested by roughly 9.550892 x 10³⁵⁷ flies. At 128 flies to the cubic inch, we get 3.25 x 10¹⁶ per cubic mile, or 2.292 x 10⁵⁶ per cubic parsec, which means that all the flies would fit into a cube a little more than 3.45 x10¹⁰⁰ parsecs on a side. The galaxy in which we presently reside, by way of comparison, is 25-30 parsecs across. It's easy to scramble up your decimal points in calculations of this type and I may have lost a few billion parsecs here and there, but the implication in general is clear: with that selfless act long ago, you single-handedly saved the cosmos."

And with that I leave you to your thoughts.

Square One

Okay, go ahead and be jealous for a second. Yes that is my view. Are you done being jealous? No? Okay, you can have a few more seconds. If you look closely you can see the Houses of Parliament. Enough of the silliness, down to serious business. I'm going to tell you about something i hate, and no doubt you're going to agree with me. Prepare yourself, it's coming. Here it is: the cold toilet seat. I'm not sure if the word toilet belongs next to this picture, but everyone knows that a cold toilet seat is just as good as the devil. Here you are trying to do your business with a little dignity, but lo and behold!, the powers that be have decided that you are not worthy of going through life without planting your bottom on an icy toilet seat. sure that sucker will warm up if youre on it long enough. ill admit it, ive spent a fair amount of time in the bathroom...enough to get cozy, snuggle up, get comfortable. but in our fast paced world, who has that kind of time? not you! nor i! so if im in need of a quickie, i have no other choice but to search out a toilet. anywhere else, disposal becomes an issue. not only that, disposal plus clean up. the toilet is genius...it does both for you. the toilet doesnt get enough praise, i dont think. but that's not what im talking about here. the toilet is great, fine, happy-good-times. the seat. thats where the problem is at. i could go on the carpet or the sink, but i dont want SARS, sickle-cell anemia, or the avian flu so the toilet is what ive got. we could pad the seat couldnt we? with some shag carpetting or something. satin? silk? personalized toilet seats. the market is there people. im calling out the venture capitalists, lets do business. call me. but thatd be hard keeping those covers clean of other peoples' doo-doo. everyone knows that people sometimes...miss...and thats not a pretty sight. but im sure someone could work around that. not me of course. i have too much mental capacity for that. ill leave it to the little people.

Alright go ahead and be jealous again. Are you jealous? Well you shouldn't be. My days are spent seeing like this. These are the things available to me. Pity me. Please.